With the holiday season upon us, you may be wondering how to handle well-meaning (or not) family and friends who invite you to endless gatherings, parties, and cookie exchanges. Believe me, I get it. Navigating the holiday season can be tricky. The invites are kind and we really do want to do it all, but physical and emotional limitations definitely prevent us from partaking in all the festivities of the season, especially when confronted with major health challenges and diagnoses, don’t they?
Our top tricks to relieve the pressure and stressors of the season are applicable to all, regardless of diagnosis, health, mental capacity to deal with the well-meaning “silver lining crowd”, and strenuous family dynamics.
Communicate Your Needs to Friends and Family
Be clear with what you need. Tell your friends and family what you can and cannot manage during the holiday season. Maybe mobility is hard for you. Maybe you simply can’t handle a lot of noise, lights, etc. Or maybe you might have a hard time eating and drinking on your own. Whatever the accommodations, be sure to voice your needs to those around you so they can prepare for your arrival and make adjustments as needed.
I have found that setting time limits and letting holiday hosts know ahead of time helps. That way no one is surprised or disappointed when we need to duck out early or come late. And don’t be afraid to ask a care partner or “wingman” to speak up on your behalf!
In the midst of holiday celebrations, open communication becomes a vital tool for those navigating the season with HOD. It’s essential to communicate your needs openly and honestly with friends and family. Whether it’s expressing the importance of pacing activities, taking breaks, or explaining any specific accommodations required, sharing this information fosters understanding. Loved ones are often more than willing to make adjustments to ensure your comfort and enjoyment. By initiating these conversations, you not only empower yourself to navigate the holidays more smoothly but also allow those around you to actively contribute to creating a supportive and inclusive environment. Remember, communication is the bridge that connects understanding and empathy, making the holiday season a shared experience that accommodates everyone’s needs.
Protect Your Boundaries Navigating This Holiday Season
It can be easy to think about the things you will and will not do or allow this season when your favorite aunt isn’t sitting next to you insisting you come to the extended family gift exchange. Can you hold your boundary when she pulls up a seat at your kitchen table to make the request next week?
I find it easier to hold those boundaries firm if I have a couple of responses to the arguments ahead of time. I might say, I would love to come to see the family but that is too many people and too much commotion for my brain to handle at one time. I would love to send a gift with you and maybe you and Grandma could come over the next day and just the three of us could have a visit.
Protect Your Peace At All Costs
Do you just know that your brother-in-law won’t take your needs seriously? Does he constantly bait you into arguments that leave you drained, confused, and frustrated? Maybe he is frequently pushing his toddler into your lap despite the number of times you have told him that your physical symptoms make that downright dangerous for the child. At the end of the day, it is exhausting to try and play nice and keep the peace. You wind up keeping the peace within the family at the expense of your own.
Instead, try recruiting a wingman (so to speak) to help out. Perhaps your wife, your daughter, or even your cousin could play a bit of interference. I am certainly not suggesting that you stand up and drop the toddler the second he is placed in your lap. But your “wingman” might grab the child the moment he is placed there, place him on the floor, and then tell that well-meaning brother-in-law that you absolutely cannot hold him right now. See what I did there? You set the boundary and then have someone else help enforce it. This has helped many families remain peaceful during those stressful, loud gatherings.
Connection is King
Remember that connections during the holiday season are paramount. Find others who ‘get it’ and will listen without judgment, without offering silver linings, without making you feel badly about your feelings. This could be another HOD patient, a caregiver, or another rare disease or neurodegenerative disorder patient. Community is everything, especially around the holidays. And while we’re at it, anyone who makes connection difficult can step aside. You don’t need the added aggravation and stress while navigating the holidays this year. Remember that stress isn’t good for anyone’s brain, especially those with HOD.
If there is a particularly difficult friend, family member, or co-worker that seems to always find a way to get under your skin, this might be the year you draw a hard line and steer clear. Now, most of you will say, “c’mon guys, I can’t cut out my sister just because she’s obnoxious and never listens when I tell her I need to sit out an event to rest”. Okay. That’s fair. I mean, technically you can cut out anyone you want, but that’s another matter for another post. So, maybe cutting her out altogether is a bit aggressive. But you don’t have to go so far. Sometimes just drawing a boundary and letting the people around you know that no is a complete sentence and doing what you need to is the answer to the overbearing well-wishers.
Adapt Your Plans While Navigating Holidays
Maybe you used to host holiday parties of 50 folks in your home. Maybe that is just too much for you this year. That is OK. Instead, how about you offer to co-host at someone else’s home? Or maybe you cut the guest list back by half and call on your bestie who is constantly asking how she can help you? Either of these are great options. The point is to relieve stress and delegate out tasks that are contradictory to the aforementioned peace and boundaries.
Do you still love to bake but it’s just too hard to do it alone? Enlist the help of your village. People really do like to feel helpful. The holiday season is a great time to lean on your people this way.
Putting up all those giant decorations physically impossible this year? Find a handyman, neighbor, or friend to come help out. Added bonus is you get to sit on the lawn and point out that the reindeer are just a little off-center. And who doesn’t love doing that?! HA!
Keep it Simple
When all else fails, remember the cardinal rule of navigating the holiday season with HOD. Keep it simple. The holidays don’t have to be over the top. You don’t have to compete with your neighbors, your family, or even yourself from years past. You just have to prioritize yourself and protect your peace at all costs. Maybe this year is a bit low-key. That’s great. Keeping it simple during the holidays will keep you more mentally and physically healthy in the best possible ways!canva
“I am learning that holidays don’t need to be perfect or stressful. They can be completely joyful. But the boundaries are the key.” Christina Coates, HODA Board President.
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